How are you?
First up, some awesome news! Hanna & I pulled together all the nuggets of wisdom from our online New Year’s challenge for you in an Ebook on authentic goal-setting. Think tips and tricks on taking time out for yourself and getting real about what’s working and what’s not in your life. Add on some vision work and goal-setting, and you’ve got it. It’s free, it’s short, and it’s yours to download from here.
It’s been a little while since I’ve sat down to write you, and it’s because I’ve been busy. I’m plugging away hard at my new website and the various things I want to offer you in the months ahead of us. I’d love to tell you that the past weeks of focused work have been magical, there’s been pixie dust all around, and that the angels are singing.
But here’s the truth …
It’s been hard. There’s been a shitload of hustle, and a fair amount of “what the hell am I doing?” There’s been staring at screens blankly waiting for the words to come out, there’s been frustration and tears, there’s been a ton of self-doubt and a solid dose of procrastination.
So there, there it is.
We all have it, we all feel it. But for whatever reason, this is something we don’t often share.
We don’t share our pains as much as we share our joys. Sometimes, we get so caught up in portraying our lives as picture perfect. Amazing morning routines, passion-filled work, endless friends, beautiful food, flawless lives.
Except, there is no such thing.
Everything always comes in pairs. Where there is joy, there is pain. Where there is light, there is darkness. This doesn’t diminish our experience, it’s just that the one can’t live without the other. Our human experience will always include both, and that is the beauty of this life.
Yet we try to hide so much. And I think we miss out on a lot in doing so. It’s not that I want you to exhibit all the drama like a live soap opera, it’s not a show & tell.
But an honest, meaningful sharing of some of the challenges we face, the obstacles we come across and tackle, the mud that covers the road we’re on, is a beautiful demonstration of the fact that we are all human. Your openness and willingness to be vulnerable brings us all closer as we realize that we’re all just doing the best we can, and invites others to drop the façade of perfection and enter the domain of humanity.
Because perfection doesn’t exist. And while at times the road to success and happiness can feel effortless, a lot of the time it isn’t. In fact, it can be quite the opposite. The story we often don’t hear about is the one where the road is covered in mud and dirt. That it takes a lot of hustle, long days, and sleepless nights. And then some. That there are days when you’re not sure why you’re doing what you’re doing and wonder why you couldn’t just pick the easy road instead of following your passion? That any new endeavor is going to have its moments of failure, and that is just part of the journey. Because, in fact, there can’t be success without failure. And in reality, it’s the wrong turns we take, that often have the most valuable lessons to teach.
We stumble, we fall, we get back up. We falter. We persevere.
The road we walk is anything from a straight line. We veer from right to left, from front to back, and sometimes we just leave the road entirely, only to find our way back again somewhere down the line. This is life. Our life. Beautiful and ugly, light and dark, joyful and sad. And here’s the thing, it’s all part & parcel of the same thing.
For those moments, when you’re just not sure anymore, you’re wondering what the hell you’re doing, and when it all feels like shit, here’s a couple of things that you could try:
- Resist the urge to fight your experience. Try to be open and allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re experiencing. The more you try to fight it, the harder it will fight back. We are often driven by the fear of not being able to handle whatever it is that we’re experiencing. That we must immediately “do something” to make it go away. Trust and know that you are capable of so much more than you ever believed. Trust that when you allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling, it will dissipate much more easily when you can resist the urge to fight it.
- Take care of yourself. Be kind. One of the questions I often ask my clients is “how would you treat a friend who is going through the same thing?” There’s often a huge discrepancy in how we treat ourselves and how we treat others. We are much harsher with ourselves than we would ever be with anyone else. Doesn’t make sense right?
- Share with others. Be vulnerable and open. Again, no need to share with the entire world. We’ve been taught to equate vulnerability with weakness. I would argue the opposite. Sharing our stories may invite help from unexpected places, can often help with moving through situations, and bring you closer to your loved ones. And perhaps most importantly, it invites others to do the same.
- Let go of the need for perfection. There is no such thing. It doesn’t exist. You can spend your time trying to be all, know all and do all. And it still won’t work. Accept that imperfection is the beauty of life and the name of the game.
- And for goodness sake, stop taking yourself so seriously. When there is darkness, bring in the light. Go do something else, stop trying so hard. Go see friends, help someone else, go out and see that there is a bigger life outside of whatever it is that you’ve got your head stuck in.
- Be patient. This too shall pass. It must. It will.
Alright love, enough of my ramblings for today. Get in the mud, get down and dirty, and come out victorious. Not because your life is perfect, but because it’s perfect in its imperfection.
Don’t forget to register here if you want to download the Your Life Journey Ebook.
And on a final note, I’ll be coming back to Amsterdam for a couple of weeks in May. For any of those in Amsterdam and around who might be interested in doing some coaching, I’d love to meet you while I’m there. Give me a shout: firstname.lastname@example.org
With love as always,